Clum, Twizbit, Shale

This month we’re taking the swear-of-the month club back to its roots, with three invented swears to add to your arsenal.

  1. clum

    1. noun, Literally, a tiny gobbet of gelatinous cum that refuses to be dislodged from skin, clothing, or hair.

      You’ve got a little clum on you.

    2. noun, Figuratively, a person who invites themselves to social gatherings and stays long after all the desired guests have departed.

      Look, Steve, I was trying to be polite, but it’s 3AM. Stop being a clum and go home.

    See also: clummy, clumming, clummily

  2. twizbit

    1. noun, Literally, those tiny, shitty Twizzler bites that aren’t even as good as real Twizzlers, which are already basically just an edible form of red plastic.

      I’ve been rationing my Halloween candy, but all I’ve got left is a tube of toothpaste and a bag of twizbits. I think I’ll have some toothpaste.

    2. noun, Figuratively, a small-minded, miserly substitute for a real person.

      I already knew Steve was a real clum, but I didn’t know he was a twizbit until he ordered a steak at dinner and then insisted that we split the check evenly.

  3. shale

    1. noun, Literally, a fine-grained, elastic sedimentary rock composed of mud that is a mix of flakes of clay minerals and tiny fragments (silt-sized particles) of other minerals, especially quarts and calcite

      I didn’t make up the word “shale.”

    2. verb, To flake under the slightest pressure.

      I told that clum Steve that the party was a potluck, and he shaled like a twizbit.

Apologies to anyone named Steve. I’m not talking about Steves in general, just one particular Steve. You know who you are.