In the study of morphology, linguists often examine “minimal pairs” – that is, morphemes which are identical in all but one respect. This allows researchers to gauge the purpose and effect of isolated phonemes in a controlled environment. The field of swearology, too, has its minimal pairs, and by examining them, we will today explore how syllable count influences the potency and purpose of a naughty word. To begin, let us consider “shit” and “shee-yit.” For the purpose of comparison, let us assume each word is used as an interjection. “Shit” is most appropriately employed as an expression of dismay (eg. “Shit! My house is on fire!” or “Shit! My dick fell off!”). “Shee-yit”, on the other hand, is a more leisurely expression, better suited for surprise or incredulity (eg. “You ate that whole pig all by yourself? Shee-yit.”) The very length of “shee-yit” suggests less urgency than its shorter sibling. It is a word to be mulled over, to roll around in the mouth. It has none of the urgency of a barked monosyllable.
For further confirmation, we need look no further than the minimal pair “bitch”/“beeyotch”. Whereas “shit” and “sheeyit” are both considered swears, “beeyotch” is employed more often as a minced oath. Given that the primary difference between the two words in the pair is their syllable count, we can see that the length of the word is being intentionally used to dilute its perceived rudeness.
We can turn to “fuck”/“fucker” for a third example. When used as an epithet (eg. “You fuck!” or “You fucker!”) we once again see a subtle difference in connotation. “Fuck” is more straightforwardly abusive than “fucker,” which carries with it a sort of playful edge. Consider the difference between “You little fucker,” and “You little fuck.”
Thus, as a general rule, it seems apparent that increasing the syllable count of a given swear reduces its perceived seriousness. As in all areas of linguistics, however, there are counterexamples which complicate our analysis. Certain slurs, for example, use multiple syllables, and these are among the most serious and abusive words in our lexicon. A possible explanation is that – as these words are meant to belittle and dehumanize – their multisyllabic nature actually serves to reinforce the disrespect intended by the user. In other words, I sincerely hope none of you fuckers use this essay as an excuse to scream slurs at people.
Finally, on a lighter note, we must address the issue of “motherfucker.” Here we have a four-syllable word which can nonetheless be quite serious indeed. However, it is important to note that “motherfucker” is in fact highly situational, and difficult to employ. Many people (myself included) are entirely incapable of utilizing a sincere “motherfucker” in spoken conversation. A skilled swearsman such as Samuel L. Jackson, who has narrowly specialized in the use of “motherfucker,” may be able to engage the word in devastating ways, to be sure. But judging “motherfucker” based on what Mr. Jackson can do with it would be much like judging the capabilities of a pencil based on what John Wick can do with it. Perhaps most tellingly of all, many users of “motherfucker” omit one or more of the word’s syllables, rendering it as “mo’fucker”, “mothafucka”, or a combination of the two.
Thus, with some notable exceptions, the syllable rule of swear intensity holds. Go forth, my little swearlings, and use this knowledge as irresponsibly as fucking possible.