Beyond FUBAR

English is lousy with acronyms, and the only thing we like more than acronyms … is lexicalizing our acronyms. From LASER, to DARPA, to the U.S.A. P.A.T.R.I.O.T. Act (Seriously, look it up), us English speakers will shove our forearms straight up our own assholes in the quest to turn a bunch of smaller words into one big word. No one is better at this than the military. Not only does the military love acronyms, but they also love swearing, and the marriage of swearing and acronyms is a happy one indeed. It is this joyful domestic union which has brought us such masterpieces as SNAFU (Situation Nominal: All Fucked Up), SUSFU (Situation Unchanged: Still Fucked Up), TARFU (Totally And Royally Fucked Up), and – my personal favorite – BOHICA (Bend Over, Here It Comes Again).

Lexicalized acronyms are a great vessel for new swears because their meaning is directly encoded in the word itself. And while abbreviations like OMFG and STFU have their uses, only lexicalized acronyms can be seamlessly incorporated into spoken language. Too long has the military had a monopoly on this powerful and versatile swear-form. It’s time for the workers to own the means of swear production. Here’s a few brand new fuckronyms for your perusal:

• FISOW – Fucked In Several Obvious Ways
• LAFLA – Looking Amazing, Feeling Like Ass
• GRIMP – Greedy Racist In Management Position
• FWAP – Fucked Without A Prayer
• SOYMAN – Shitting Out Your Mouth, Ad Nauseum
• ALWAES – At Least We’re All Equally Shafted
• WEGAS – Who Even Gives A Shit

and finally,

• ORBUS – Occasionally Rad, But Usually Shitty

Think of the above as a linguistic aperitif to get your own swear engines rumbling. I look forward to plenty more frankenwords from the lot of you.